1
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,080
HORSE WHINNIES AND SNORTS

2
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,160
Whether Elizabeth's spies
knew about the letter

3
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,680
is still a matter
of much conjecture.

4
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,960
JULIAN: Hello!

5
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,640
Where's she been hiding?

6
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,800
She's not dead, Julian.

7
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,480
The good ones never are.

8
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:44,920
<font color="

9
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,200
They're making a documentary -
History's Greatest Plots.

10
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,080
Apparently, there was a coup
planned here back in the day.

11
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,480
Hey, look, that wasn't a coup,
per se.

12
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:56,240
That was an informal discussion
<font color="

13
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,800
about Maggie's leadership style.

14
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,320
You know? She's not talking
about the '80s, mate.

15
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,080
Look at her! What plot
she talk abutt? About? Dunno.

16
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,200
That's just what they told us.
<font color="

17
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,320
ROBIN GRUNTS

18
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,320
It's possible

19
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,880
Elizabeth's forces simply
happened upon the plotters...

20
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,040
BUZZING

21
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,040
Oh!

22
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,200
SHE SQUEALS

23
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,120
GHOSTS LAUGH

24
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,120
One for the bloopers!

25
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,840
<font color="
happened upon the plotters...

26
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:22,960
What?

27
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,920
Do you know, I don't think
I've ever seen you laugh. Yeah.

28
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,480
I asked the producer
if they'll name-check the house

29
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,400
and he just stared at me blankly,
<font color="

30
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,400
That's the producer over there,
Mike.

31
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,400
Oh. Well, then I asked some guy.

32
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,920
Er, do you mind? Some of us are
trying to learn something here.

33
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,520
..regarded by many
as a martyr, a mastermind,

34
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,920
a hero, and perhaps
<font color="

35
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,280
to have walked these grounds.

36
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,640
Is it me? Sounds like me.

37
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,600
Which is why the history books
echo with the name

38
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,200
Sir Humphrey Bone.

39
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,240
Oh. Huh. Hmm.

40
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,880
Heavens! Why, I think she means...

41
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,360
<font color="

42
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,480
Oh, it's fallen off again!

43
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,520
Humphrey? Where is he?

44
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,120
It's just such an incredible place.

45
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,360
You can almost hear the history
echo from the walls.

46
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,560
Yeah, it's almost like...

47
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,720
HUB

48
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,720
..it doesn't shut up!

49
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,400
<font color="

50
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,400
and the Dutch gable, and the...

51
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,400
High-end BandB? In the gatehouse,

52
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,000
opens next spring. Tell your
friends. We could probably

53
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,080
do a discount...
We're really, really lucky

54
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,120
to have found - well, been given -
<font color="

55
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,680
Actually, we did wonder
if you'd be up for talking about

56
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,360
your family connection
to the house on camera.

57
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,880
Who? Me?

58
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,840
I-I-I-I... I've never been
on camera.

59
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,920
Well, have a think about it.

60
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,920
<font color="

61
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,440
Are you mad?

62
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,960
Context? The interview.

63
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,520
To make the gatehouse a guest house,
we need ghosts. Guests.

64
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,400
And this is free publicity, so...
No, forget it.

65
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,800
I'm not going on telly.
<font color="

66
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,040
Going on telly!

67
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,920
Oh, you'd be great. No!
The camera would love you.

68
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,800
Just tell your story,
name-drop the house, and...

69
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,880
..oh, you could wear a top
with our logo on it.

70
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,600
<font color="
with our logo on it.

71
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,880
Hmm. We don't have a logo.

72
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,840
Hmm. I'll call Obi.
He'll do us a quick logo.

73
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,480
Oooh...

74
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,760
Bad moonah on the rise.

75
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,080
Dust cover sun.

76
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,800
Birds fall. Crop fail.

77
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,000
<font color="

78
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,160
BARKING

79
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,160
Bitches? Bitches!

80
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,760
Oh, that explain it.
Anybody home?

81
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,400
Ah, Annabel!

82
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,760
ALL: Alison.

83
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,640
I was hoping I'd catch you.
LADY BUTTON: Humphrey?

84
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,560
<font color="

85
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,760
Humphrey? Humphrey!

86
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,120
Humphrey!
MARY: Head bit?

87
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,880
Humphrey? I'm just saying,
personally speaking,

88
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,040
I can't remember ever seeing you
<font color="

89
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,440
That's absolute nonsense.
I laugh all the time.

90
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,520
Why, only the other evening,
Fanny and I were in stitches

91
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,640
while recalling
the satirical skewering

92
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,120
of socio-political institutions
in The Mikado.

93
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,400
<font color="
Mm? The Mikado?

94
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,960
Oh, hilarious skewering of
socio-political institutions.

95
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,320
Hysterical. Side-splitting.
Riotous. Agreed.

96
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:32,200
I concur. So I hope that puts
<font color="

97
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,280
Humphrey! Head? Humphrey?

98
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,640
Humphrey!

99
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,960
Neither of you laugh!

100
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,200
KITTY: Found it!

101
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,480
Him! Him, sorry.

102
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,040
You didn't tell us you were famous.
<font color="

103
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,360
Am I a painter?

104
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,760
She means the plot, mate.
The Catholic plot.

105
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,280
Oh, that.

106
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,280
You always said your death
was just a misunderstanding.

107
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,520
Well, in a way, yeah.

108
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,120
Certainly wasn't, erm...
<font color="

109
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,680
What, one chop?

110
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,720
Well, it sounds pretty
straightforward to me,

111
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,280
but then I was burned alive, so...

112
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,400
All right, now, steady on, Mary.
Steady. Steady.

113
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,640
Well... I mean more that
<font color="

114
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,400
..complicated.

115
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,480
I could tell you about it if you
like. Well, if you wouldn't mind.

116
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,520
That would be wonderful, yes.
We've got all day.

117
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,600
Well...

118
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,040
Yum! Yum, yum, yum, yum!

119
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,000
Ooh, thank you.

120
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,240
<font color="

121
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,840
Good morning?

122
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,840
Did you sleep well?
Er, dormir...bon?

123
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,320
Cos it gets quite draughty
down your end of the, um...

124
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,800
Do you want a bit of brekkie? Boeuf?
Bit or brekkie, Sophie?

125
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,440
SIGHS

126
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,440
Oh, my.

127
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,800
<font color="

128
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,400
Erm, I was just wondering
if there might be

129
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,680
something you might fancy doing.

130
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,760
Not with me. Not with me.

131
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,480
No, erm, I meant more for you.

132
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,680
Like a hobby.
Oh, it's unbearable.

133
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,360
Something that might make you
<font color="

134
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,760
..happy?

135
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,160
Uh, tapestry? Maybe?

136
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,560
Or you could learn some English?

137
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,000
Or there's archery,

138
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,720
or you could learn a bit of English.

139
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,240
It doesn't matter, actually.

140
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,480
Livres.

141
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,120
Me leave?

142
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,200
<font color="

143
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,400
Reading room?

144
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,120
Oh, like a reading group!

145
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,680
Yeah, great idea.
You could use the chart room

146
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,080
up in my end if you wanted.

147
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,720
And maybe in winter,
you could learn a bit of English.

148
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,960
<font color="

149
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,800
It is AN ugly language,
but, yes, well done. Very good.

150
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,600
KITTY: Humphrey?

151
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,000
Humphrey?

152
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,320
Humphrey? Sorry.

153
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,680
It's not someone I've thought about
<font color="

154
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,040
Do you like jokes?

155
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,920
Hmm.

156
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,240
Oh, I don't think we ever lent you
a champagne bucket,

157
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,120
cos, well, we don't own
a champagne bucket.

158
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,640
Well, you do now.

159
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,200
Oh, a film crew!

160
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,920
<font color="

161
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,880
I'm surprised.

162
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:34,720
Though, now I think of it,
I do remember Jan from the shop

163
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,560
mentioning something
about a documentary, was it? Oh.

164
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,360
Lucky I dropped by!

165
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,640
I do feel lucky. I imagine they
<font color="

166
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,480
fill in the gaps in their research.

167
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,080
I'm not sure that you...

168
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,160
..care what I say, or know my name.
Hello there!

169
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,320
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
local landowner slash historian.

170
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,240
Urgh. He hasn't changed, has he?

171
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,440
<font color="
and entirely self-serving.

172
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,200
Can you believe I used to associate
with that type?

173
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,440
SNORTS

174
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,400
So I've done a lot of...

175
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,400
Hello. See that?

176
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,720
I spy Harry Heart Attack.

177
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,480
Those three-bottle lunches
<font color="

178
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,240
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha...

179
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,000
Oh, no.

180
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000
Alison!

181
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,880
You have to get him out of here
right now.

182
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,120
What are you talking about?

183
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,280
Barclay is on the verge
of a heart attack.

184
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:30,760
<font color="

185
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,400
What if he carks it right there
and doesn't move on?

186
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,000
We could be stuck with him forever.

187
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,640
I think you're getting a bit
carried away. Which means

188
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,400
you could be stuck with him, too.

189
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,040
Every day.

190
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,920
<font color="

191
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,200
Oh, no.

192
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,720
Lovely strip of land at the end of
the drive there once belonged to me.

193
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,080
Ahh.

194
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,560
No way. OK, what about 4:30?

195
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,960
Can you do it by 4:30?
It's not about the deadline.

196
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,280
<font color="
on a white T-shirt.

197
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,680
I'm an artiste.

198
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,760
What? Would you ask Michelangelo
to touch up your skirting boards?

199
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,120
Depends on his prices.
And if he could do it by 4:30.

200
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,600
Here's what I'll do -
<font color="

201
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,200
three-colour digiprint
on a high-weave cotton blend!

202
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,680
Sounds great. Thanks, man.
Owe you one.

203
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,200
And you'll credit me on air, right?

204
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,880
I mean, if they ask about the top.

205
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,200
Oh, they'll ask about the top!

206
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,160
That's a fact!

207
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:28,800
<font color="
That's why I painted it gold."

208
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,800
That is offensive to at least
five different religions.

209
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,160
There are only three in it.

210
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,360
Give over.
It's just a harmless bit of fun.

211
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,200
You haven't heard
me jumbo jet joke yet.

212
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,960
<font color="
and a paed...

213
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,560
Do you mind?
I'm baring my soul here.

214
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,720
You're making this very slow
and painful.

215
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,080
Unlike his execution. Oh!

216
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,760
Now, where was I?

217
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,360
Oh, yeah.

218
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,680
<font color="

219
00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,200
Bonjour. Good to, er, see you.
Hello again.

220
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,960
How will you?

221
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,120
Happy reading.
What book is it this week?

222
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,320
What book?

223
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,960
The Spring of Yver,
Containing Multiple Stories

224
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,240
Discourses in Five Days

225
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,520
<font color="
at the Chateau du Printemps.

226
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,320
Well, don't tell me how it ends.

227
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:27,320
I wanted to thank you.
For letting me do this.

228
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,840
I feel a little better.

229
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,520
Ssh...

230
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,560
Moi...

231
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,760
..happy.

232
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,200
<font color="

233
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,240
DOOR CLOSES

234
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,520
Well, don't just stand there.
We have much to do.

235
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,200
We've received word from Queen Mary.

236
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,720
She approves of your plan,
but only if we can act quickly.

237
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,520
There are spies everywhere.

238
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,040
<font color="

239
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,640
Then Monday it is. We get Elizabeth
on her way to chapel.

240
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,560
By this time next week, the true
Queen will sit on the throne.

241
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,720
Death to Queen Bess.
ALL: Death to Queen Bess.

242
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,200
What about him?

243
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,440
He knows nothing.

244
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,200
<font color="

245
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,200
THEY CHUCKLE

246
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,520
He is a good man.

247
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,120
So the plan is to conceal
our blades here by the colonnade...

248
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,920
Well, fancy that! Young filly there
seems to think I might have

249
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,320
some useful insights -
her words, not mine.

250
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,200
<font color="

251
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,320
Wants to get me on camera.

252
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,280
And you're not, like,
nervous about...?

253
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,360
Ah-ah-ah!

254
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,200
What I... What I mean by that is...

255
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,400
Tell the old guff to go and die
on his own property.

256
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,360
He's got enough of it.
<font color="

257
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,440
Me? Yes. Fit as a fiddle. In fact,

258
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,800
I'm on a bit of a health kick.

259
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,200
After 20 years
of no exercise whatsoever,

260
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,160
I've just taken up squash.

261
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,840
Yeah, that'll do it.
What is squash?

262
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,640
So, we've got a few more shots
<font color="

263
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,920
and then we'll be back to do
the interviews.

264
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,680
If you're both happy and...
Marvellous!

265
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,040
Yeah. I'll go and rehearse.
There's no need

266
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,560
to prepare anything, really.

267
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,880
<font color="
Conversational.

268
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,280
Of course. Of course.

269
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,480
Amateur.

270
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,200
You have got to get him out of here!

271
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,840
I meant to say, Zara, there's
a stunning view of the house,

272
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,280
is, pious just...
just past that fence.

273
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,520
<font color="
background for Barclay's interview.

274
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,040
OK. I'll take a look.

275
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,800
Yeah, yeah. Just PAST the fence.

276
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,600
Just outside the grounds.
Outside. Outside.

277
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,600
Outside. Did you say outside?

278
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,960
Yeah, I think she got it.

279
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,880
<font color="
local historian.

280
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,000
Friend of the house.

281
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,400
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
Button House spokesman.

282
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,720
What's he doing here?

283
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,400
Cheg-Betwynde. Beg-Chetwynde.

284
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,000
He just appeared. Like posh Batman.

285
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,680
<font color="
he's our spokesman. Yeah, well,

286
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,200
he spoke to Zara and they want
to film a bit with him now.

287
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,080
What? Yeah. Can't let him speak for
us! You've got to do the interview.

288
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,760
<font color="

289
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,640
It's just, I know that you can do
it. You're the face of Button House.

290
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,240
Because you know what you've got?

291
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,520
Inner strength?

292
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,920
I was going to say a branded
sweatshirt coming, but...

293
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,320
But inner strength. OK.

294
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,520
<font color="

295
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,640
Is it your oral skills?

296
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,440
Excuse me? That worry you,
about the interview?

297
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,120
I just don't want to be on camera,
like public speaking.

298
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,840
I understand entirely.

299
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,040
I remember my first confabulation
<font color="

300
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,120
Stammering like
a chicken-hearted clown.

301
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,680
But I found my voice, Alison,
and I can help you find yours.

302
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,640
OK?

303
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,400
OK.

304
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,760
How dare you?

305
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,880
I'll have you know
I've got my entertainers badge.

306
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,080
<font color="

307
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,120
The same with my sewing badge.

308
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,000
I'm simply saying that
the reason you so rarely see us

309
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,800
reduced to fits of hysteria
is because in present company,

310
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,360
we're seldom given cause.
All right, then.

311
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,400
<font color="
show us how it's done?

312
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,640
I'll handle this, Fanny.

313
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,680
Right. Now.
I just remember thinking,

314
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,560
"Well, it must be
a pretty good book,

315
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,880
"cos they've been in there
for ages."

316
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,360
<font color="
Er, bon...to see you all.

317
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:27,880
Take care.

318
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,720
HUMS TO HIMSELF

319
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,200
Oh, someone forgot their...

320
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,760
Oh!

321
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,200
Oh, no.

322
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,280
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon bore the brunt.

323
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,240
The butler burnt the butter but
<font color="

324
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,520
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon bore the brunt.

325
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,880
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon...

326
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,800
Something amusing?
Sorry. It's just,

327
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,960
it's hard to think of you
in a sort of, well, teacher role.

328
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,840
<font color="

329
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,400
Because of the frisson.

330
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,840
The frisson?
The frisson between us.

331
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,840
I know it is difficult, Alison,
but while you are under my tutelage,

332
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,160
you really must pretend
there is no frisson.

333
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,480
Thomas, there is no frisson.

334
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,120
<font color="

335
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,720
Now, then, your turn.

336
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,480
The butler... The butler
burnt the butter and the butter...

337
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,600
BUTler. The butler burnt the
butter... What's a budler?

338
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,560
Bu-t-t-t. Big but. Big but.
<font color="

339
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,520
VIBRATES LIPS

340
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,280
MUFFLED: Welcome to Button House.
That's it.

341
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,240
I know it feels strange
but it really strengthens...

342
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,000
Shaking everything.

343
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,280
VIBRATES LIPS

344
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,040
I am a confident
and beautiful young woman.

345
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,520
<font color="
And I deserve to be on television.

346
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,560
Welcome to Button House.
Hands at our sides.

347
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,880
We're not a seagull.

348
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,520
Thomas is terrific and I wish...
Thomas is terrific and I wish...

349
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,240
..we were betrothed.
..we were... No.

350
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,160
<font color="

351
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,280
Fine, we'll do something else.

352
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,400
And the quartermaster says,
"You may have paid the bill,

353
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,200
"but I'm still the PATE familias."

354
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,640
Because he'd had the pate.

355
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:13,880
The pate! Do you see?

356
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,240
It's very clever.

357
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,560
<font color="

358
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,960
You didn't laugh.

359
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,880
Nobody laughed. Yes.

360
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,720
Long, fancy words don't make
something funny.

361
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,640
I find I often laugh most
at the simplest things.

362
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,000
Duly noted.

363
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,760
<font color="

364
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,560
Laughter is contagious.

365
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,840
What? Oh, no! Oh, no, no.
Not in a bad way, Kitty.

366
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,840
No, just that laughter
breeds more laughter.

367
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,160
Preposterous. Balderdash.

368
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,960
<font color="

369
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,640
HE CHUCKLES

370
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,440
THEY LAUGH

371
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,520
PHONE RINGS

372
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,200
What's up? About this top.
I've been...

373
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,480
Haven't you done it yet?
Impact-wise, we could wrap the text

374
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,040
around the trunk and...
<font color="

375
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,120
on a bin bag, as long as
it says Button House

376
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:18,040
and it's here by 4:30, yeah?
All right, all right, I'm on it!

377
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,200
This sweater
is my Sistine Chapel roof.

378
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,440
Ceiling. Is it? Good.

379
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,720
<font color="
and I weren't blown away.

380
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:33,320
UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER

381
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,240
LAUGHING: I can't help myself!

382
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,600
ALL GASP FOR BREATH

383
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,200
Anyway, where was I?

384
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,680
About to die. Oh, yeah.

385
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,440
If you can calls that dying.

386
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,440
<font color="

387
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,560
What have you done?

388
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,360
OUTSIDE: Halt! Her Majesty's Guard.
We have to go.

389
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,800
Go? What?

390
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,200
You want to live, we must go.

391
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,840
OUTSIDE: Who do you think you are?

392
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,560
Humphrey!

393
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,280
<font color="

394
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,000
THUDDING

395
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,000
Quoi?!

396
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,960
This isn't the life
you signed up for. Go!

397
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,760
Have another one.

398
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,240
Well, go!

399
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,360
HAMMERING ON DOOR

400
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,360
Open this door!

401
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,080
Show yourself!

402
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,280
<font color="

403
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,160
Open up!

404
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,200
Ahh!

405
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:48,880
Keep going!

406
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,640
PRESENTER: ..beheaded on the spot
for high treason,

407
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,840
so heinous was his crime,

408
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:57,280
with Mary's orders
still in his hand.

409
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:01,000
Sir Humphrey Bone,
<font color="

410
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,640
and martyr to it.

411
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,720
SWORD UNSHEATHES

412
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,040
At least, that's how...

413
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,560
CAPTAIN CLEARS THROAT

414
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,040
For valiance.

415
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,480
Yes. Quite right.
Well said, that man.

416
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,360
Fair do's, actually. Fair do's.

417
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,680
<font color="
Easy for you to say, isn't it?

418
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,360
You barely even feels an arrow.

419
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,840
You what?

420
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,840
We should tell Alison
what we've learned.

421
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,600
Yes. And she can tell
the television people.

422
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,680
<font color="
you signed up for!

423
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:40,960
Go!

424
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,920
In the name of Her Majesty,
open this door!

425
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,240
HAMMERING ON DOOR

426
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,160
SHOUTED ORDERS

427
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,560
Oh, God.

428
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,880
What am I doing?!

429
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,320
YELLS

430
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,120
<font color="

431
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,400
Ah! Yes! Yes!

432
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,280
God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God...

433
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,840
Her Majesty's Guards!

434
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,640
Show yourself!

435
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,560
DOOR OPENS

436
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,320
No sign of him, sir.

437
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,440
Why is it always bad news
with you?

438
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,080
<font color="
I've found him, he's through here."

439
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,160
I found that priest hole once.
There was no priest in it.

440
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,440
That was just a hole.

441
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,360
SHUFFLING

442
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,200
God, I love this house.

443
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,600
BLADES CLASH, SQUELCH

444
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,440
<font color="

445
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,320
I might say I did that. I would.

446
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,440
See, this is why I won't have swords
in the house. Yeah.

447
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,520
Well, you've got kids, haven't you?

448
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,400
Bad day?

449
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,920
SCREAMS

450
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,080
Hey. Well, I think we're almost
<font color="

451
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,400
if you... Yeah, about that. I don't
know what Mr Deg-Chegwin told you,

452
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,880
but he's not actually
anything to do with Button House.

453
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,320
He's just a sort of
mean local weirdo.

454
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,240
Actually, that's not fair.
<font color="

455
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,120
So, yeah, we'd rather he wasn't
associated with the house

456
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,600
because, to be honest, I'm worried
about how he comes across on TV.

457
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,720
OK. It's just that
I got the impression

458
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,480
your wife wasn't all that keen
to do an interview.

459
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,160
<font color="
I'm telling you,

460
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,000
she's a natural.

461
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,800
Is...

462
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,960
So the house is, um... Um...

463
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,240
..like, my connection, um...

464
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,920
Um...to the family. One...

465
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,240
One, one, one...

466
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,160
<font color="
Babe! You're up next.

467
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,840
What, now? We need more time,
damn you! Already?

468
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,160
Can't Barclay go first?
No, he's been canned.

469
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,960
Apparently an anonymous source
told them what he's like

470
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,720
<font color="
What? He's bad PR and you know it.

471
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,400
How did he take it?

472
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,280
Um... "Um...!" They're all at it.
Give me five minutes

473
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:04,840
and I'll let you know. Wish me luck.

474
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,400
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

475
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,720
<font color="
We need to be gentle with him

476
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,680
and then we need to get him
out of here real quick.

477
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,440
HORN TOOTS

478
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,760
Obi!

479
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,400
Oh, we're finished here, are we?

480
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,360
Hey, see? It's a masterpiece!

481
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,560
Yeah, yeah. Give it to me.

482
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,600
<font color="
Because it looks sick.

483
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,800
Right. We're ready for Alison,
just up by the fence there.

484
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,880
Fence? What fence? Just up by the...

485
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,520
She thought the view was quite good.
No, no, no.

486
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,720
I mean, there's much better spots
<font color="

487
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,200
So you can see the house.
By the sign?

488
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,760
It's just we're all set up
over there now.

489
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,600
But...but maybe we'll come
and grab something here a bit later.

490
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:54,160
I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part
<font color="

491
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:59,120
Yes, that'll do it. Right,
once more. Get it in the old memory.

492
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,320
Oh, God. Is he still here?

493
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,600
Hello there.

494
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,200
What? Me?
May I just say

495
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,920
what an honour it is to be joining
you here in this wonderful house?

496
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,400
<font color="

497
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,160
I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part

498
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,920
of its rich and varied history.

499
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,280
It's happened!

500
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,360
Alison!

501
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,360
Ah, perfect.

502
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,960
Knock, knock. Hi, how are you?

503
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,040
How are you?

504
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,880
Yes, fine, raring to go.

505
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,000
GRUNTS

506
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,880
<font color="

507
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,120
It's just...

508
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,360
Do you want to sit down?

509
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,640
No!

510
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,000
Really? OK.

511
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,680
The thing is, talking again
to the documentary guys,

512
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,440
it seems now they want
to focus more on people

513
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,440
who actually lived...live
<font color="

514
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:50,760
Oh, dear.

515
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,920
So I wore a new shirt for nothing.

516
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,200
Been bally baking in it all day,

517
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,840
and talk about itchy!

518
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,520
Well, that explains it.

519
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:04,920
Yes, it does.

520
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,640
Oh, that's much better.

521
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,160
Yeah.

522
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:20,960
Breathe, but don't gasp,
<font color="

523
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,120
If you need to pause, pause,
but don't show you're pausing.

524
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,480
Look, I know that you mean well,

525
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,000
but it's me they want to talk to,

526
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,640
not some drop-out from the
Thomas Thorne Finishing School.

527
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,560
So will you please just stop talking
<font color="

528
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,040
than you are a teacher?
And that is really saying something.

529
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,040
Confident, eloquent, composed.

530
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,560
My work here is done.

531
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,440
Damn your eyes. You're welcome.

532
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,840
It was inherited
through my dad's side, but he died

533
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,880
<font color="
passed away more recently.

534
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,640
So with no living relatives,
the house has become a kind of

535
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,760
link to my ancestors
through the ages.

536
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,400
It's like having family
all around me.

537
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,400
Can you give us any more information
<font color="

538
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,520
But with your voice.
Say Button House.

539
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,480
Alison! ..every bit as fascinating
as your journey... I warned you!

540
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,400
I did warn you!
SHOUTING, INTERVIEWER CONTINUES

541
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,560
<font color="

542
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,560
ALL TALK AT ONCE

543
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,440
You're doing very well,
just block it out.

544
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,640
Try not to hesitate...
I warned you!

545
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,440
Alison! Emergency!

546
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,000
INTERVIEWER: Alison?
Is...

547
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:36,960
<font color="

548
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:38,880
ALISON ON TV: ..literally
a phone call saying,

549
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:39,960
"You now own this house."

550
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,280
It was inherited
through my dad's side,

551
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,320
but he died when I was young and
my mum passed away more recently.

552
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,880
<font color="

553
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,000
the house has become a kind of
link... Oh, can't see the logo!

554
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,320
Lose the thing! Lose the thing!

555
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,960
It's like having family
all around me.

556
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,000
Aw! That's nice.

557
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,840
<font color="

558
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,760
Well, the brick...
The brick frontage

559
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,440
is, er...it was a brick front

560
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,000
added to what is, er,
what was a Tudor house.

561
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,520
FANNY: What does that say?
What is a Butt Ho?

562
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,360
Are you the Butt Ho?

563
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,320
<font color="
it had a brick facade.

564
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,920
Oh, my... Obi!

565
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,000
CLEARS THROAT

566
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,760
..which is now what we now see now
on Button House.

567
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,240
Well, thanks, everyone.

568
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,160
But there's much more to this place
than just structural issues.

569
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,160
<font color="

570
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,120
For one thing, it's haunted!

571
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,720
And I'm turning it off.
No, no, wait.

572
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,040
Oh! Hang on a sec.

573
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,440
I think this is my cameo.

574
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,720
Ooh!

575
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,720
Watch the vase.

576
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,320
Wait for it...

577
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,280
THEY CHEER

578
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,920
<font color="

579
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,840
It's like he's famous.

580
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,080
Can I have your autograph?
You got a pen?

581
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,880
But one thing's for certain -
when it came to the Catholic cause,

582
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,640
Sir Humphrey Bone was a man prepared

583
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,120
to stick his neck out.

584
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:01,160
<font color="

585
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,040
THEY LAUGH

586
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,560
Oh, very good!

587
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,960
Neck! Seriously?!